Identity crisis

Parents now find themselves on the front lines of battling extremists.

Pentagon officials and media pundits are appalled by the handful of teens rushing off to join Islamic State extremists fighting in Syria and Iraq. Intelligence agencies have estimated that 150 Americans are among the estimated 25,000 who have joined the Islamic State to fight in Syria and Iraq.

Others, like the Tsarnaev brothers, act as so-called lone wolves.

The extremists recruit with propaganda, and are adept with social media, presenting their twisted rampage as a grand adventure with up to 2000 Twitter accounts, according to a census reported by the Brookings Institution. At risk are teens and young adults who feel inferior and wrestle with their place in the world, many raised by parents who are resentful and bitter themselves. A minor identity crisis is trying out new clothing, hairstyles and activities that rebel against expectations of parents and teachers. A major crisis is running away from home, engaging in substance abuse, joining a cult or extremist group.

More than 50 years ago, psychologist Erik Erickson described how those aged 12 to 18 develop a sense of self and way of viewing their role in the world. Teens “perversely test each other’s capacity to pledge fidelity” and “The readiness for such testing also explains the appeal which simple and cruel totalitarian doctrines have on the minds of the youth of such countries and classes as have lost or are losing their group identities,” he wrote in Childhood and Society, a recipient of both Pulitzer Prize and National Book Award.

His writings about identity crisis are relevant today.

People construct their identities throughout life, but the feelings of crisis are particularly acute during adolescence and soon afterward. We resist parental rules. In my case, I resented my father who prohibited me from driving or going out with friends. Though we lived in the same home, I stopped talking to him for nearly two years. Eager for independence, I skipped school, took a bus into the city and ate lunch in bars, dressing in casual business attire. I remained aloof from others, pointedly not ordering alcohol to avoid being asked for a driver’s license. I selected a setting and attire that made me feel sophisticated and in control.

Constant comparisons over social media, intense competition for colleges and jobs, and young celebrity stories of spectacular success complicate identity formation for today’s teens. Dependence on one’s parents can now stretch out to age 25 or beyond – both for those pursuing higher education and those who end schooling early and struggle to compete in a high-tech world and a troubled job market.

Parents and teachers prepare for identity crises in advance, reducing the lure of extremism.
Too much nagging can push young adults to unwanted activities. Parents and schools must select battles, avoid excessive rules and resist automatic dismissal of young ideas. Praise good choices in school, activities and friendships. Do not get caught up in petty details on odd clothes, hairstyles.
Early on, parents can introduce children to a diverse range of activities and find time to work on a project together – if only a few hours a week gardening, cooking, or volunteering at an animal shelter, senior center, or church program.

Let children experience some failures early in life so that they learn to strive for comebacks and seek new pursuits. Be grateful to teachers in middle school who challenge students and hand out low grades for lack of effort. Be supportive and good-natured when a tryout for a team or other activity does not succeed.

Children and teens observe their parents' attitudes and responses to problems. Parents can model anger and resentment, blaming others for their difficulties. Or they can demonstrate calm, courage and tolerance during difficult periods.

From an early age, children should be taught to avoid prejudice and those who discourage education, debate or humor.

Finally, parents and schools can rely on the narratives in literature or current events that demonstrate the futility of extremism. Erickson himself wrote in Identity: Youth and Crisis: “No wonder that in young people not inclined toward literary reflection, such deep-seated negative identities can be reabsorbed only by a turn to militancy, if not transient violence.”

Photo of mother and child in Farrah Health Clinic, courtesy of Master Sgt. Tracy DeMarco and Wikimedia Commons. 

Agenda

Charity can have a hidden agenda.

"The United States and Saudi Arabia on Tuesday sanctioned a Pakistani charity allegedly financing violent extremist groups in Afghanistan and Pakistan under the guise of humanitarian work," reports Jason Lange for Reuters. "The sanctions target the Al-Furqan Foundation Welfare Trust, which the US Treasury said had changed its name to avoid prior US sanctions."

Dubious charitable organizations have become a tool for funneling funds to illegal activities. Allure of Deceit is the story of a powerful foundation director who uses funds and programs in Afghanistan to investigate the death of her son. And another individual uses the charity to manipulate extremists to murder a foundation critic.

Name changes, mission statements, corporate partnerships - without some strict accountability, all can be manipulated for purposes other than charitable giving.

Photo of a woman begging, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons. 

Parenting

Parents could be on the front lines of preventing extremism.

Parents of teens do not realize how much their children observe and assess  their parents' attitudes, routines and responses to problems. Fear of Beauty and Allure of Deceit, both set in Afghanistan, demonstrate how families shape future citizens. With each crisis and disagreement, young characters could move toward moderation or extremism.

Do parents model anger and resentment for their children and blame others for their difficulties? Or do they work hard, demonstrating calm and courage during the life's most difficult periods?

In Allure of Deceit, one young character questions how his parents handle punishment of young girls in the village: "there was less pressure to sort out why he disagreed so vehemently with his parents on what was moral and what was good. It was terrifying to think his parents could be so wrong.... Saddiq wondered if his parents sensed the discrepancy in what his parents asked their sons to do. If his parents had secrets, so could he."

By the story's end, the character does confide in his father, and the man is capable of resisting attempts to nag or impose excessive controls.

Teens are open to new experiences, and parents must select their battles carefully. Teenagers are curious and trying to construct their own identity. Parents can monitor trends attractive for their children. Respecting the good choices early on, talking about those choices, can guide a person away from extremism. Parents should offer praise for the good choices in school, activities, friendships - and avoid focusing on petty details like odd clothes or hair styles. 

Some failures are inevitable for both parents and children, and it's useful to experience it early in life. Parents should not try to insulate their children against every failure. Be thankful to the teachers in middle school who do not hesitate to hand out failing grades. Be supportive and accepting when a tryout for a team or event does not work out. Tea

Finally, parents should find time to do activities with young teens, gardening, cooking, community work, volunteering at an animal shelter, senior center, church program or more. Those few hours a week can reveal much and be precious.

Photo of teens playing soccer with the Marines, linguists and Afghan police, courtesy of NATO,, Cpl James Clark of the US Marines and Wikimedia Commons. 

Why Afghanistan?

So many ask why in the world did I choose to set a mystery in Afghanistan, and I explain this weekend at Poe's Deadly Daughters.

"The old advice is write what you know, but I’d say write what you care about, especially when you’re surprised by how much you care. Afghanistan tugged at my imagination long before the US invaded in late 2001. Before news emerged of Osama bin Laden’s terrorist-training camps or the Taliban government blew up the giant Buddha statues of Bamiyan."

It was hard to imagine that the country could so quickly shift from one renowned for its hospitality to one known for religious extremism, fear of history and regular bullying of women and children. "For this avid reader, illiteracy and bullying are the stuff of nightmares," and Afghanistan allowed me to explore how communities, particularly women, might respond.

I'm also looking forward to talking with David Alpern 1 pm today about Afghanistan. "Each week, FOR YOUR EARS ONLY broadcasts to stations coast-to-coast and to U.S. military personnel in 177 nations via the Pentagon's American Forces Radio Network."

Photo of Afghanistan contrasts, courtesy of US Air Force Staff Sgt. Samuel Morse and Wikimedia Commons.

Publicity machine

There's no such thing as bad publicity. And extremists in the Arab world were driving the publicity train for The Innocence of Muslims.

"Publicists could not have generated more curiosity for The Innocence of Muslims, ensuring universal viewing." - From YaleGlobal about the powerful essay in The Wall Street Journal from Husain Haqqani, professor of international relations and former Pakistani ambassador to the United States.